


how you gaze upon my bones

by cerealmilk



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Blood and Gore, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, rated m for a very visceral amputation scene, realistic responses to trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-12-25 14:37:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerealmilk/pseuds/cerealmilk
Summary: Violet didn’t go back to the school. Because, first of all, it was a really stupid idea. Second of all, seeing Clementine hobble towards the rock face on that ruined leg and being unable to do anything about it in the moment had felt pretty gutting.And, well— Clementine had promised she’d be right behind her. Last time Clementine had promised that, Violet had needed to go hunting for her for an hour and a half.So, sue her. She wasn’t about to leave her girlfriend on a promise like that.





	1. no more little sounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so after finishing the season finale wherein my brother fuckign sobbed and the only reason i didn't do the same was because his sadness amused me: i got thinking about the logistics of a 6 year old being able to use a fire axe to cut off a leg in unsanitary conditions AND know what cauterization is AND kill all the zombies one by one AND tow her back in a wheelbarrow
> 
> and like thats. really unlikely
> 
> violet, however, has the power of Lesbian Survival Instinct on her side.
> 
> technically this is a companion piece to "broken home" (even tho the tenses are different) and i may extend it into a little series depending on how far this inspiration takes me. also, unrelated but writing a voice for violet is surprisingly difficult and idk how well i did so! let me know and part 2 should be out in another week or so

Violet didn’t go back to the school. Because, first of all, it was a really stupid idea. Second of all, seeing Clementine hobble towards the rock face on that ruined leg and being unable to do anything about it in the moment had felt pretty gutting.

In fact, her intentions had never been to go back to the school. She was always going to go after them, because in this day and age, you didn’t leave anyone behind when you loved them. Especially if you loved them.

She’d done it before, too, so logically speaking, things should go more or less okay. Against all odds, she and Clementine had managed to save Louis and the others. Now, regardless of the fact that the odds were stacked somehow higher and there was only one of her, she was going to save them.

And, well— Clementine had promised she’d be right behind her. Last time Clementine had promised that, Violet had needed to go hunting for her for an hour and a half.

So, sue her. She wasn’t about to leave her girlfriend on a promise like that.

 

* * *

 

The fence didn’t go on forever.

Actually, scratch that— for a while, it had seemed like it certainly would, but there had been a hole in the chain links a mile or so down the line just big enough for her to squeeze through, back to the side that Clementine and AJ had run off on. The old, rusty wiring had scraped a few strings off of her old vest, but otherwise, she made it out okay.

Still a lot of walkers around, though. And no weapon. The axe had gone with Clementine, which, actually, was probably for the best, with her leg and everything. It just left Violet a little out of options.

She had better be alive when Violet found her. Because she _would_ find her. There had been enough near death experiences in the last two weeks to last her for the next couple of years. She’d thought she lost her in the woods before. In the explosion. After the explosion. If she lost her now—

if she—

_“Don’t disappear on me, okay?”_

_“I won’t. I promise.”_

—Clementine had promised. She had _promised_ that she would be safe. If nothing else, Violet would hold onto that. Because if she— if she got left behind again, by someone who had so irreparably rooted herself inside her heart, she might never recover. It was a scary thought.

And the kicker was— everyone she loved left. Whether by choice or by shitty circumstances. Clementine and AJ were _not_ going to join them. Not if she could help it.

Her parents had left her just hours after her grandma, starkly different circumstances but equally painful. Minnie was gone long before she was dead, if she’d ever been there at all. Marlon had been an asshole but Brody… she’d done Brody so dirty before her murder. Louis was still with her, but he’d been broken down to the root of his being and she could only hope he would come back.

AJ had killed Tenn to save her life. Lots of moral hurdles these past twenty-four hours. Probably still more to come.

The cloud of walkers all seemed to be moving towards a single, unified destination. It was the best lead she had as to where they might be. Only trouble was that she didn’t really have a way to follow them, per se. There wasn’t exactly a handy knife nearby to slice open a walker with and meld with the crowd. The best she could really do was hang to the outskirts of the horde and hope for the best.

Time blurred a bit as she tailed the horde. Not to say that she wasn’t focusing intensely on not getting caught by any stray walker that wandered her way, it was just hard to tell how much has passed. Sunrise hovered right around the corner, but every tree was as familiar as the last, the grass cold and dewy and reeking of dead body.

There were a couple of close calls. After a time, the close calls got close enough that she picked up her pace to a light jog. For a few tense seconds, it was a full dash through a thicker cluster of walkers that had her shaking with more than adrenaline on the other side.

It was as she went to fix one of her shin guards, which had come a little loose thanks to a strong-jawed walker that’d almost had her in the middle there, that she saw it. The splotches of fresh blood on the ground. Walker blood was never that red.

Her pulse spiked in her throat. She fixed the shin guard, somewhat haphazardly, because there were far more pressing issues at the moment, and began to move again. She didn’t think she’d ever run so fast in her life.

The splotches of blood were steady, sometimes hard to spot in her desperate sprint, but it didn’t matter for very long.

The trail led to a barn. The barn itself was cracking under the weight of the tens— hundreds?— of walkers gathered around it. Something had them frantic. She didn’t want to guess what, or who, that entailed.

On the outside, it didn’t seem like there was any obvious way in that wasn’t being swarmed. More walkers were peeling out of the tree line, too, which hardly helped. They did seem to be mostly congregating at the front door, so maybe the back would be clearer. No harm in checking it out.

She slunk off. Being too hasty to get inside now wouldn’t do her any favors here, not with this many walkers nearby. Still, though, she couldn’t pry her eyes away from the barn itself. Walkers were trying to squeeze themselves into every crack, every seam in the wood.

As she thought, the back was considerably less busy, though not empty. Tall blocks of hay were stacked against the barn that cut off about half way up the roof. From what she could see, there were about nine walkers there, one of which had no legs and could only paw at the hay bales.

Was there something on the roof? She couldn’t really see, but it was probably her best bet of getting inside. She just needed to find a way to do it quiet enough that she could sneak past the stragglers and up the side of the building.

A sharp, familiar bark of pain rose over the ambiance of the walkers. Violet’s heart staggered.

How much time did she have? Probably not enough. And none to waste on being quiet.

Another cry of pain that cut off abruptly. Her heart was pounding. She could barely see through her own fear. Nothing was going to stop her from getting inside. She would climb the damn barn if that’s what it took.

A small shack nearby had splinters of wood lying around its base. She picked one up, a little hefty, definitely not a permanent weapon, but it would do just fine.

The first walker went down fast, a quick jab through the back of a soft skull. When it crumpled, another turned towards the commotion, and she heaved the sharp end of the wood plank into its mouth. It got stuck for a moment somewhere in the throat, blood gurgling around it. This gave a hunched walker time to get close, so she swung the plank aimlessly, knocking its face aside. The wood splintered on impact. The others had begun to move towards her, and she squeezed between two of them and vaulted onto the nearest block of hay.

The legless one grabbed for her and she kicked it away, climbing onto the next bale, and then the next. She was at the top of the stack and the walkers were right below her, clawing at the soles of her shoes. Only one way to go.

It was a desperate scrabble, but eventually, she got her legs up onto the unstable roof. A few meters away, there was a square taken out of the roof. She didn’t know what its original purpose was supposed to be, but she knew for a fact that that was her way inside.

Hauling herself over the lip, she dropped into the barn, landing hard on dirt and falling backwards to try to soften the impact. When she blinked the dust out of her eyes, she realized that someone was looking at her. AJ was covered in walker guts and had the axe half-raised, but he lowered it when he realized who he was looking at.

“V-Violet?” he whimpered.

Violet stood with a wince, knees reminding her that she’d just fallen eight feet. He took a step back as she approached, and she paused. He probably thought she was still mad at her about shooting Tenn and, in a way, he would be right. But she was also alive because of his actions, and there were a lot more things to worry about right now.

“Hey, AJ,” she said, slowly lowering herself to his level, trying to find his gaze. “What happened?”

In an instant, he began to sob, harsh, heartbreaking little sounds. He sounded _wrecked._ Acting on instinct she reached for him, drawing him in, the axe sandwiched between them. Ignoring the swelling lump in her throat, she rubbed circles into his back.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. Where’s Clementine? What happened?”

AJ hiccuped, one of his little hands fisting into her hood.

“She— she got bit on the climb and we walked as f-fast as w-we could but she— she was— she was hurting _so bad_ a-and the barn was being overrun and she told me to kill her but I-I-I _couldn’t._ I couldn’t let her die, I—”

He glanced to the side. She followed his gaze. Clementine was slumped against another hay bale, face ghastly, unconscious. Her injured leg was sprawled out, and aside from the gash Minnie had given her, there was a deep V-shaped cut just below the knee.

AJ spoke up, voice just above a whisper. “I-I tried to cut it off, but I’m not— I’m not strong enough.”

The leg. The _leg._ She hadn’t been bitten for very long, right? Twenty minutes, maybe? Violet stepped away from AJ, eyes still trained on the bloody mess of Clementine’s leg.

“AJ, give me the axe.”

The fact that he did so without question was a telling sign of his fear. For now, she shoved the thought aside, burying her emotions for when they were all safe and sound.

“I need you to start heating up your knife. Do you know how to make a fire?”

AJ nodded. “Y-yeah. Clem has a special rock that she used in a cave.”

“Great. Just burn the hay and hold it over the fire until it’s glowing orange.”

His eyes widened. “The knife can glow?”

“Hurry, AJ.”

Violet took the axe and walked over to Clementine’s body. Close like this, it was easy to spot the bite beneath the open lapel of the boot. It was a recent mark and beneath the cut, which still bled profusely, and she hoped that that would be enough.

She lined the axe up with the V, and lifted it above her head. Here, she hesitated.

Even though Clementine was unconscious, knowing that didn’t make it any easier. She was about to either shorten or save Clementine’s life, and she didn’t know which it would end up being. Even though she was unconscious, Violet was going to— she was going to _hurt_ her.

But what choice did she have?

The axe carved into the last cut that AJ left behind. The small chip in the exposed shin widened, fractured under the weight of heavy steel, the axe splitting through bone and blood sputtering across the dirt. Not all the way through, though.

She lifted it back up, with a bit of resistance as the blade stuck to and then separated from sinewy strands of muscle. Brought it down again. Bone crunched, Clementine’s body convulsing with a pain she could feel even unaware. The axe hit dirt. Violet tossed it aside and dropped to her knees. The stump was bleeding way more than the cut had, the blood so bright it was almost pink. She pressed her hands against it, but she knew it would be futile in the long run.

“AJ, the knife!” she said. He jolted and pulled it from the little fire he’d made. The blade was glowing red-orange. Perfect. It wasn’t big enough to seal the whole wound, but it would be enough.

Sucking in a breath between her teeth, she pressed the blade against the stump.

The skin sizzled and boiled and she didn’t think she’d ever in her life smell blood burn, but it was burning as it sealed back beneath the infected skin. She held the knife there a few moments longer before pulling it away.

The wound was mostly cauterized. There were a few splits and gaps along the outer ring that still oozed a bit, and there was a line of raw, glistening skin where the knife had pressed in, but it was good enough.

AJ hovered over her shoulder. “Is she…”

Violet pressed the back of her hand to Clementine’s forehead.

“Still warm, and still alive. For now. Hey, is there any rope around here?”

He scurried off quickly, and she would have watched him go, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of Clementine. The slow rise and fall of her chest. Her face, pale with blood loss or the bite or both, twisted in pain.

Still alive. For now.

“Here you go,” AJ said, holding out a short length of rope that looked messily cut at one end. She took it with a small nod of thanks, and tied the rope around the leg just above the cut, tight as she could make it. A precaution.

AJ crouched down next to her. “What do we do?” he asked, sounding for once every bit the scared kid that he was. With Clementine down, it seemed that he’d turned to her for guidance.

“We’ll take turns keeping watch for a few hours.” She swallowed hard. “Just in case. It’ll give the walkers time to clear out.”

AJ’s head bobbed. “Okay.”

“I can take the first watch. You’ve had a hard day, kiddo. Get some sleep.”

He left to go make himself a nest out of hay, and Violet hunkered down next to Clementine, the axe within grabbing distance, trying desperately to prepare herself for anything.

 

* * *

 

Violet had been keeping watch for about half an hour before AJ spoke again. It caught her a little off guard in the relative silence. Most of the walkers had lost interest, but it still wasn’t enough for a safe journey.

“Do you think she’ll be okay?”

Violet glanced down at Clementine. The other girl had slumped onto her shoulder, and though she still seemed to be in immense pain, she was starting to regain some color. It gave her hope.

“Maybe. I think so.” She winced. That probably wasn’t the kind of thing you were supposed to tell a kid. Then again, it was AJ, so he probably appreciated the honesty.

He shuffled around in his nest for a moment before she heard him stand. He walked over to her, passing through patches of golden sunlight before he sat down at her side.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked. He shrugged.

“Hard to. She’s hurt.”

Violet nodded. “I get that. Wanna talk about it?”

He turned to look at her, face scrunched into a confused scowl. “Why are you being so nice to me? I killed Tenn. I made you mad.”

She probably should have seen this coming. Honestly, she was hoping to avoid it. Emotional confrontation was just— it sucked. She exhaled through her teeth, thinking for a moment about what she could even say. This was definitely more Clementine’s strong suit.

“I was mad. I _am_ mad. But I think I’m also sad, you know?” She focused on the floor. It was neutral territory, something to focus on besides the deep ache in her chest. “Tenn was… he just lived in a world that wasn’t there. Couldn’t be. Always so lost in his own head but… but I loved him. And I tried to look after him. But on that bridge—” She cut herself off, shaking her head, bringing her knees closer to her chest. “On the bridge, with Minnie, he was just… gone. And I think I knew that. It doesn’t stop it from hurting, though.”

AJ seemed to consider this for a few moments in silence.

“How long do you think it’s gonna hurt?” he asked.

Violet lifted one shoulder in a shrug, keeping the other as still as possible as to not disturb Clementine. AJ seemed satisfied with that response.

“That’s what Clem said, too.”

“When did she say that?”

“I dunno. But she was really sad, and she told me she was hurting. I asked her when she’d stop. She said the same thing.” He stared at his hands, folded and bloodied in his lap. “I think she’s still hurting.”

Violet had noticed. The telling signs of sleepless nights that Clementine tried so hard to hide, the way her posture sagged whenever the thought she was alone, how she sometimes stared at her hands for anywhere from seconds to an hour, eyes glassy, spine hunched. They’d talked about it, once or twice, but there were some topics that Clementine shied away from no matter the approach.

Violet wanted to help her, obviously, because she didn’t have enough fingers or toes to count how many times Clementine had helped her, but she didn’t want to force it. The whole girlfriend thing was still fairly new, all things considered, but Violet wanted to be good. Better. Patience was just another part of that. And, she supposed, so was comforting her girlfriend’s pseudo-son.

“What makes you think that?” she asked.

AJ frowned and didn’t say anything for a few minutes longer.

“I think— I think she feels guilty. She said she killed a lot of good people.” He shifted a bit, rubbing at his elbows. “She yells about it when she sleeps. It sounds like it hurts. And I can’t help her.”

Violet, feeling awkward, carefully wrapped an arm around his shoulders. To her surprise, he didn’t lean away. He curled into the touch, desperate, and all she could think was, how bad was it before she got there? How bad would it have been for Clementine if she hadn’t gone after them?

“It probably does hurt,” she said, “and trust me when I say that you help her more than you know. She talks about you like you mean the world to her. And she may not talk about her pain with you. I don’t know if she talks about it with anybody. But I think just being there for her is enough; being there for her if she ever does decide to talk about it.”

AJ nodded, swiping the sleeve of his shirt over his eyes, smearing a bit of blood across his face.

“I’m gonna protect her this time. She’s had a long time to protect me.”

Violet squeezed him a bit with her arm. “Am I not allowed to help?”

AJ turned to look at her, squinting. After a moment, he nodded, and burrowed back into her side.

“You can protect her, too. Even if you two are gross sometimes.”

She laughed, the sound rasping in her throat. “Well, thanks, kiddo.”

AJ mumbled something unintelligible. He and Violet sat there quietly until AJ’s breathing began to even out, his body limp against her side. Violet rested her head against the hay bale, one hand pressed against Clementine’s side to keep watch on her breathing, the other trapped behind AJ as he drifted into slumber.

 

* * *

 

Around the two hour mark, she felt herself starting to doze. Not enough to render herself unaware, but enough to remind her about the night’s tedious events and the toll they’d taken on her body and mind. If she were more honest with herself, she would be able to confidently say: yeah, she probably wasn’t okay. Not in any sense. Luckily, she wasn’t very good at being honest with herself.

Clementine’s life hung on a thread and if it tipped the wrong way, AJ’s future would probably rest in her hands but it was— it was fine. Minnie and Tenn were dead and Louis was tongueless and she was stuck in a barn that smelled like burned hair and decay. But it was fine. It would have to be, at least until everything was over.

She just had to get home safe. Back to— back to Texas Two. Then, everything would be okay.

Until then, though.

She sighed, her head thumping against the hay. The sun had risen high enough to filter through some of the larger cracks in the roof. Another hour, maybe, before they got moving. Just to be safe. Or was that overkill? How long was one supposed to wait in a situation like this?

Violet shook her head, staring up at the ceiling.

It was somewhat difficult, having to come to terms with just how much Clementine meant to her, now. She thought she’d done it already in the forest before they raided the boat, but that had apparently only been a prelude to now, when the other girl was on the brink of _something_ and she hadn’t even had a chance to tell her how she really felt.

Because she— she really loved her. Hadn’t had the words for it before, when everything was so tentative, so raw. But now, with the risk of losing that sense of home, that feeling of being whole, it consumed her mind.

Things with Clementine were so different than things had been with Minnie. Minnie had been good, yeah, but only looking back on it now can Violet really see how empty Minnie’s words had been, how unfulfilling, how incomplete. It had been a good relief from the bitter world outside but it had carved a chunk out of her heart that she’d filled with doubt and bitterness and guilt.

Yet, somehow, Clementine had eased her way through all of that, reached past the hard exterior, genuine and honest and so gentle that it left Violet _soft_ . And when Violet had laid herself bare— Clementine had just smiled, placed her hands over hers, let her know it was _okay,_ that she was _enough._

And when she’d seen the other girl’s kindness, her way of existing around AJ in a way that both supported him in his desires and pressed him to learn and grow, her strength of character despite what she’d been through, the comforting rub of her thumb over Violet’s knuckles when they’d danced, her unsteady honesty on the belltower in her words and her lips— she hadn’t really stood a chance against someone like that.

To think that that kind of person might be lost to them at any given minute terrified her. It scared her down to her core.

There was a shifting at her side, but it wasn’t from AJ’s side, as she’d grown somewhat used to. Clementine let out a low groan, body moving slightly. Violet’s nerves spiked, hand jerking in a stalled motion to reach for the axe, her eyes trained on Clementine’s face.

This was it. She held her breath.

Clementine’s eyelids fluttered, slowly cracking open, expression shifting. Her eyes were still that warm, familiar brown, glancing around blearily. Violet sobbed with relief, pressing her forehead into her girlfriend’s sweat-dampened curls.

“Vio… let... ?” Clementine croaked, turning to face her as best as she could. “How… what happened?”

“AJ saved you. We had to— cut off some of your leg.” Violet tried, and failed, to shove aside the sting in her eyes, and tears crept down her cheeks, a laugh bubbling upwards. “I’m just really glad you’re okay.”

She felt Clementine smile against her neck, fragile as it was. Her voice was weak and breathy. “You’re both… terrible… at following instructions.”

“You’re terrible at keeping yourself safe. Call it even.”

Clementine laughed, but it was cut off by a wince. Violet realized that she was looking at her leg.

“Shit.”

“Yeah. It’s pretty bad.”  
  
Clementine grimaced. “You couldn’t… sugarcoat it… a little?”

Violet dropped a kiss into her hair. “Not my style. How’s it feel?”

“Hurts… like hell.”

She nodded, throat constricting, and drew Clementine in a bit closer. “I know, but we’re gonna get you home, okay?”

Clementine only hummed, and, moments later, was unconscious again. Violet cried to herself for some time, as quietly as she could, feeling happy and mournful and hollowed out all at the same time.

Still alive.

Still alive.

 

* * *

 

She and AJ loaded Clem into the wheelbarrow an hour or so later. The split open walker was still available, and so, covered suitably in guts and AJ wielding the axe, they set off for the school.

It was a difficult walk. Coming back from the riverbed, it was a gentle uphill slope that Violet felt immediately in the weight of the wheelbarrow, legs and arms straining to maintain a steady pace. AJ took point, following her instructions whenever she told him which way to go. Only a few walkers showed up on the hike, which AJ had little trouble dealing with.

Clementine faded in and out of consciousness, seeming to mostly drift in an agonized haze, her responses minimal and gaze unfocused.

It was only a few miles back, but the miles stretched hours, their pace a slow, steady struggle. By the time Violet finally saw the familiar iron arches of the school gates, her body was shaking with sheer physical exertion, and the sun had begun to sink below the tips of the trees.

No one was on lookout. AJ tugged on the gate, finding it unlocked, and pushed it open before hurrying back to her side. Together, they urged the wheelbarrow the last few meters into the safe confines of the school. The only person within immediate sight was Aasim, and with a startled yelp, he raced over, helping Violet carry Clementine into the admin building, AJ hot on their heels.

When they got her to Ruby’s room, left the impromptu medic to do her thing, Violet took a step back, her ears full of noise that she couldn’t fully hear. AJ stepped forward, reaching for her hand and gripping it tight.

She choked down the fear, the crippling anxiety, the exhaustion. Just for now.

“C’mon, kiddo,” she rasped. “Let’s go get cleaned up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per usual i did not thoroughly check through this at all so lmk if u catch a grammar error
> 
> the second half is gonna be the more recovery aspect so u know it'll be a fun time


	2. soft and deadly you grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how this happened but somehow this chapter is 3000 words longer than the last one which i have written the entirety of in breaks during school and also during time where i should be studying for SATs but am not bc i would rather die so. it might be a bit messy i only glanced over it once or twice
> 
> im posting this on my bday bc i want Their Happiness for my birthday and im also semi proud of it so this a gift to myself
> 
> the wip title for this chapter was “clem and violet hold each other lots” and its an equally accurate title. warning for lots of holding

She was alone.

Ruby had taken AJ away some time ago, finally convinced him to join her on patrol, and the others had checked in on her every now and then, but otherwise, it was just her and the unconscious body splayed out in front of her.

Clementine had been like this for three days. Fading in and out, waking just long enough to drink some water and eat a spoonful or two of food, before collapsing back into the bed. Somewhat sick, writhing in pain while she slept.

Violet could only imagine.

For the most part, she and AJ had been glued to Clementine’s side, leaving her only to eat and sleep. They slept sharing the bunk on the other side of the room, which had been awkward on the first night until they realized just how much they had in common, waiting for her to wake up. After that, there wasn’t much quarrel in it. When nightfall came, Violet would crawl under the moth-eaten sheets with AJ on top of her, protecting her from things that would not come for them.

It was nightfall, now, and normally this would be the time that they went to bed, but AJ was on patrol and she was alone.

It was really fucking quiet.

The chair Omar had brought in for her was old and wooden and it creaked if she shifted too far to the left. Clementine slept on her back, breathing slow and deep, stump elevated by a spare pillow, her hand held gently in one of Violet’s own. Those were the only sounds in the otherwise unearthly silence— creaking and breathing. The first real bit of peace they’d had since arriving back at the school.

She still found it hard to wrap her head around everything that had transpired the past few days. Even with memories of it consuming her conscience every waking hour like a broken record stuck on repeat, it was all so hard to process.

The raiders were gone, their boat sunk and overrun. Marlon and Brody were dead. Mitch was dead. Sophie and Minnie were dead. Tenn was dead. Louis had half a tongue. She was missing a finger. Clementine was missing a leg. Omar had a limp. AJ and Willy hardly talked. Ruby and Aasim were trying so hard to pick up the pieces, but neither of them were used to the weight that responsibility carried.

Everything rode on her girlfriend’s ability to recover, to come back from the brink of death. If things went south, if the events at the boat had so thoroughly fractured the members of their group, things would fall to her. Aasim was smart but he wasn’t assertive; Ruby was strong-willed but she was young— if things went _wrong_ , it would come to her.

Which was okay. She’d done that before, after Marlon, but she’d had Louis behind her, backing her up even if he was mad. Louis spent his time these days locked in the music room, playing double as much as he used to to make up for his own lack of sound.

There was a good chance that things would turn out just fine with everyone left making it out alive, but things would never be as they were, and Violet couldn’t even begin to predict how it would pan out from here. How they would survive if Clementine didn’t come out in one piece.

They were all were so tight knit after everything. Life without any one of them was unimaginable.

Which was why a future without Tenn was something she still struggled with. AJ had killed that little boy back on the bridge, a bullet punched through his neck as he gagged on blood, lured by the siren voice of Minnie who’d become so lost during her time with the Delta.

AJ had killed that boy. To save her. If he hadn’t, they both would have been grabbed, all because she was so afraid of letting go. Thinking about it was a vicious cycle of guilt and rationalization.

The guilt was sour. If she’d done more, been more for Tenn than Minnie had, she could have saved him. But maybe he was already too far gone. Of course, there was no way to know, now, but none of the rationalizing or stewing or dreaming ever stopped how shitty it felt.

Eventually, she would move on. There wasn’t any other choice than to keep moving forward with her life, even when Tenn had left a gaping wound within her.

She would move on. It would just— it would be a while. Until then, though, she would be there for Clementine, for AJ, for the other kids, for Louis. They would be there for each other as best as they could, planting gardens on empty graves.

She sighed and brought Clementine’s hand to her face, ghosting a kiss across the bruised, cracked knuckles.

It was too fucking quiet, too fucking tranquil of a night, and the creaking of the chair grated on her ears like cheese, so she just focused as best as she could on the sleeping form before her. The slow inhales and exhales. As close to her as she could get.

Now, when you got really close to someone, both literally and emotionally, it became harder and harder to miss the signs of when something was amiss. That was precisely why, when Clementine’s body tensed all at once, she knew immediately that something was wrong.

Violet froze, expecting to see a pair of unfocused brown eyes crack open at any moment, but Clementine’s eyes were moving furiously beneath her eyelids. Her jaw was working, clenching and unclenching, unable to make a sound, unable to move.

A nightmare. This, at least, was familiar territory.

“Clem,” Violet said, moving to hold her down by the shoulders. “ _Clem._ Wake up.”

No response. The other girl made a keening sound in the back of her throat, drops of sweat beading on her forehead as her fingers twisted in the sheets. Fear simmered in the pit of Violet’s stomach. Clementine needed to wake up before she got herself hurt.

Violet shook her hard.

“Clementine!”

Clementine’s body seized as she jolted awake, looking around frantically, struggling against her grip. Violet held her down steadily as Clementine’s eyes danced around the room, chest heaving, slowly coming down to earth. When she finally realized where she was, she went limp.

Violet released her and sat back on the bed, moving her hands down to rest over her girlfriend’s.

“Just a dream, Clem. You’re back at the school. Everyone’s safe.”

“AJ,” Clementine croaked, voice rough with fear, pulling herself upwards to sit against the headboard.

“He’s on watch with Ruby right now.”

Clementine digested this for a few moments as they sat together. Slowly, her fists unwound from the blankets, hands turning over until she could loosely lace her fingers with Violet.

“You wanna talk about it?” Violet asked.

Clementine said nothing. Her throat bobbed, which Violet didn’t miss, and after a few strangled seconds, began to talk.

“I thought I would be fine with dying.” Her gaze was directed towards the bed. Her voice trembled. “In the barn. Everything in my life had prepared me for that moment. I spent so long convincing myself that when the time came, it would be okay, because it just happens to everyone at some point. I thought I’d be ready for that. I’d spent so long readying AJ for it, too.” She lifted a hand and rubbed it across one of her eyes, wiping the moisture away before it could go anywhere. “But when I was there at the end, I didn’t—” her voice finally broke. “—I didn't want to go.”

“Well, that’s good, I think,” Violet said, keeping her voice low and soft. “I’d really hate it if you left.”

That drew out a small, watery laugh. Violet smiled.

“Seriously, though. I’m just happy you’re alive. We almost lost you in there. We almost lost you here, too.” Her smile wavered. “Infection is a bitch. Just make sure you don’t go and get bit again.”

Clementine rolled her eyes. “You literally kick walkers. I don’t know if I’m the one at risk.” She winced, her body curling inwards somewhat as she reached for her stump. “Fuck.”

“Is it hurting?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It just— it itches sometimes. It’s so much worse than a finger.”

Violet glanced at her own missing finger, bandaged neatly in clean gauze. “I figured. But, other than the itch, how are you feeling? Still feverish?”

Clementine shrugged. She looked exhausted.

“Probably. Could be better, but I think…” one corner of her mouth tugged upwards. “I think I’m _all right_ now.”

Violet groaned, falling forward until her head thudded against her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“That was bad. You’re doing a lot better than I thought if you have enough energy to make amputee jokes.”

Clementine laughed again, weak and breathy from pain, but unbearably warm.

“You love me anyways.”

Violet inhaled quickly, heart jumping into her throat. Clementine stilled, her words catching up to her.

“...Vi?”

“Yeah,” Violet rasped, and her voice was so raw, so honest, and it _terrified_ her. “I love you anyways.”

Clementine released her hands and drew her arms around Violet loosely. Violet closed her eyes, felt the pent-up emotions slam against her mental blockade. She’d almost lost her. If even _one_ thing had gone wrong, if infection had set in or the patchwork reopened, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

“Are you alright?” Clementine asked, pulling away a few inches.

She was about to deflect, to say that it didn’t matter now, what had happened was in the past, but she caught Clementine’s gaze— a little bloodshot, but steady, concerned, infinitely patient— and felt something deep within herself waver. Her mouth had gone inexplicably dry.

“I don’t—” she licked her lips. “I don’t know. Is that okay?”

Clementine’s features softened.

“Yeah,” she said. “To be honest, I don’t think I know, either.”

“We’ll get through this,” Violet said, somewhere in between a question and a promise. “All of us, together.”

Clementine’s hands trailed from her hips up to her face, thumbs brushing against her jaw in a motion so tender it ached.

“I love you,” she said, sure as anything.

Violet kissed her then, soft and open-mouthed. It was nothing special— just lips on lips and mouths moving slow and gentle and it tasted like sweat but it— it was good. Maybe even a little bit perfect.

“You should get some rest,” she said, pulling back. Clementine huffed, but didn’t resist when Violet began to help her back under the covers.

“That’s all I’ve _been_ doing.”

“Well, you happen to need a lot of it.” She bent down to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Just gonna get you some more water.”

Clementine hummed, but her eyes were already closed. Violet smiled, gingerly extricating herself from the bed, and left the room as quietly as she could. As she closed the door behind her, she froze. AJ was sitting next to the door.

“You guys were talking,” he said. “And _kissing._ I didn’t want to inter— interput.”

“Interrupt,” she corrected gently. “And, uh, thanks. I think”

He nodded. “Did you mean it?”

“Did I mean what?”

“When you said you loved her anyways?”

Violet balked. “I, yeah. I did. I _do._ ”

He peered up at her for a very tense couple of seconds. Then, he nodded, seemingly satisfied.

“You’re doing a good job of protecting her.”

Violet felt like she was slowly melting into the carpet. She kind of wished it would just swallow her whole already. “Oh, um, great?”

“Yeah.” He scuffed his shoe on the ground. “Can I go in now?”

“Uh, yeah. She might be awake. I’m just getting her water, and then I’ll be back.” Hesitantly, she reached out to ruffle his hair. “You— you’re a good kid, AJ.”

He stared at her for a long moment, eyes dangerously wet, before bobbing his head and hurrying inside the room. She watched him go, waited until the door was closed, before letting out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. Her eyes burned. She hadn’t thought it would be that hard.

 

* * *

 

Another two days passed. Clementine was making larger strides in her recovery, able to stay awake now for a few hours at a time before getting exhausted. The other kids had begun to visit her, too, each of them bringing gifts or news as payment. The only staple visitors were herself, AJ, and Ruby, who could now perform more thorough routine checkups with Clementine awake.

She was still bedridden, of course, too much movement causing her pain, still slightly fevered, and unable to get around. The good news, though, was that Ruby had finally given the OK to allow Rosie into the room with Clementine, allowing AJ and Violet to leave her side for extended periods of time without getting anxious.

It didn’t stop either of them, of course, from taking care of her anyways. Violet could help carry her girlfriend to and from the bathroom, and AJ would bring her and Rosie dinner.

AJ, however, had gotten dragged into a game of rummy at the dinner table, so the job fell to her tonight. Omar had made a sort of rice meal out of some of the rice they’d stolen from the train station, fish, and a blend of greens that could either have been grass or greenhouse plants. It was pretty good for apocalypse food. In her other hand, she carried a bucket full of scraps from the bottom of the pan and spare fish for Rosie.

Using her foot, she pushed open the partially-opened door to Clementine’s room.

“Knock knock,” she said, smiling as she met her girlfriend’s gaze across the room. She was sitting up in bed, flipping through one of the books Aasim had brought her. As Violet entered, she set it aside. Rosie was lying at the foot of the bed. Violet whistled at her.

“Rosie, dinner.”

She set the bucket on the ground. Rosie snuffed and stood, plodding over to where she’d set it. After only a heartbeat of sniffing, her head was buried deep within its contents. Violet laughed, turning back to Clementine.

“Hey,” she said, leaning down to meet the kiss Clementine pulled her into. “How was your day?”

“I started reading one of the books Aasim brought in,” said Clementine as Violet sat down on the nearby chair. “It’s called Moby Dick. It’s pretty good so far.”

“Tell me about it while you eat.”

So, she did. Clementine did more talking than eating, explaining the beginning of a complex story about whaling and revenge. Most of it went over Violet’s head, but Clementine was passionate about it, and as she began to talk about Ahab and his whale-jaw leg, the idea of her girlfriend sporting such a thing refused to leave her alone.

Maybe she’d talk to Willy about it.

A sharp cry of pain followed by the clatter of porcelain on wood jolted her from her thoughts. Clementine’s bowl of rice had fallen, scattering the remainder of her dinner across the floor. Clementine herself was clutching at her stump, face contorted in pain.

Violet shot to her feet. “Clem? Clem, what’s wrong.”

“Fuck,” she said. “Shit. _Fuck._ ” Her eyes were squeezed shut, fingers clawing at the gauze just below the rolled up remainders of her pant leg. “Vi, it _hurts._ ”

Violet sat down on the bed, catching Clementine’s hands to stop her from tearing off her bandages.“What hurts? The stump?”

“The leg,” she sobbed, her fingernails digging deep into Violet’s hands. “Vi, I don’t know how to make it _stop._ ”

Violet’s stomach was twisting itself into knots with worry, the pain from her hands all but forgotten. “What can I do?” she asked. “What can I do to help?” Half of her brain was screaming at her to go get Ruby. The other half was paralyzed with fear.

“It still feels like it’s there,” Clementine whispered, her voice scraping up her throat.

Violet thought for a moment. It wasn’t as if this was entirely unfamiliar to her— they’d all had injuries before, most of them having happened very recently, but this wasn’t just a random injury. This was a fucking amputation. _She’d_ done this. She needed to make it better.

What had helped when she’d lost her finger?

“Clem, I need you to try to relax for me,” she said. “I’m going to try something, okay? It might hurt and it might help, so I’ll need you to tell me. Can you do that?”

Clementine nodded. She was making a valiant effort to try to get herself to relax, but the pain had every muscle pulled taut, face pale. Violet situated herself on the bed, pulling the stump up onto her lap. She began to carefully massage the area above the cut, fingers pressing into bloodstained fabric and the gauze beneath.

“Relax, Clem,” she murmured, pulling her forward to press her lips into her hair. “It’s  gone. The bite, your foot, they’re gone. Tensing is only gonna hurt what’s left.”

Clementine latched onto her desperately, held her as close as possible as Violet slowly rubbed the tension out of her leg. She was breathing raggedly for most of it, face pressed into Violet’s neck as if she needed her, needed the contact, the physical reminder. At the foot of the bed, Rosie had begun to lap up the fallen rice.

Who knew how long they stayed there like that. The sun had set and the only light in the room was the candle on the nightstand. Clementine eventually settled down, and they sat there, tucked together neatly, Clementine running her fingers through Violet’s hair and Violet still with her hand on her girlfriend’s knee. Rosie had curled up by AJ’s bed and fallen asleep, her doggish snores drifting through the room.

It was nice. Despite all the build up to it.

The door creaked open. Rosie lifted her head and chuffed. It was just AJ. They must have finished the game.

“Hi,” he said, glancing between her and Clementine. “What’s wrong?”

Clementine pulled away from Violet, sniffing and wiping her face on her sleeve. She looked a right mess.

“Hey, goofball,” she said, trying for a smile and missing the mark.

AJ hurried over to the bed. Violet helped him up, and he immediately scooted over to Clementine.

“Why are you sad?” he asked, looking very concerned for a 6-year-old. His little hands pressed against her cheeks.

“I’m not sad,” she said. “It just started to hurt really bad. Violet helped. I’m fine.”

AJ frowned. “You have a lot of hurt, Clem.”

She managed the smile this time, but it was despondent. “I know, AJ. We all do.”

AJ watched her, and then, after a few seconds, threw his entire weight against her. Clementine grunted and fell back onto her pillow. Violet could only watch, worried and somewhat bemused.

“I’m protecting you tonight,” he said. “No buts.”

Clementine coughed out a small laugh.

“You might be too heavy to lay on top of me, dork.”

AJ groaned and rolled to the side, landing in between her and Violet, still pinning one of Clementine’s arms between him and the bed. She and Violet shared a glance.

“No,” said Violet.

Clementine was solemn. “This is non-optional.”

“It’s not big enough, doofus.”

AJ looked between them as understanding fell over his face. He turned to Violet, his expression a mirror image of Clementine’s.

“You have to stay.”

Violet sputtered. “You, too?”

He just grinned, a little nervous, but mostly happy. Christ, she was weak.

“Ugh. Fine. Scoot over.”

AJ and Clementine cheered as they shifted to make as much space for her as they could on the twin-sized bed that was definitely not made for three. As she’d expected, it was a tight squeeze, too many limbs with too little space. AJ had his back tucked into Clementine’s chest and his head against her stomach. She had no room to spare and would probably fall off at some point if she rolled too far in the wrong direction, but Clementine’s hand on her arm would hopefully hinder that possibility.

AJ leaned over her to blow out the candle before wiggling back into place. Violet grunted as he elbowed her in the chest.

“One of you is either going to overheat or kick me off the bed and it will not be my fault. I can’t believe this.”

Clementine only smiled. “You’d better get used to it.”

Violet rolled her eyes, smothering the heat that rose to her cheeks as best as she could.

“Goodnight,” said AJ from between them.

“Goodnight,” they echoed, even though they both knew they’d be up talking quietly for some time yet.

Abruptly, Clementine’s expression shifted as her gaze zeroed in on something behind Violet.

“Rosie, no.”

That was the only warning any of them had before an immense weight landed on her lower half. Violet wheezed and tried not to puke as massive paws dug into her stomach.

“ _Rosie!_ ”

 

* * *

 

She dropped by Willy’s room the next day. He was tinkering with something that definitely didn’t look safe, but she didn’t have the energy to fight him over it right now.

“Hey, Willy?”

He looked up. His face was caked with dirt.

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure.”

She stepped inside the room. With Mitch gone, the room had lost the only person that put any effort into keeping it clean. There were piles of sheet metal and scrap, random findings and a pile of sticks. It smelled like something had gone foul, but if Willy had noticed any of this, he certainly didn’t act like it.

“So,” she started, unsure of exactly how to phrase this. “I was thinking. Clem’s missing a leg and can’t really get around, you know? I was just curious if you had any ideas on getting her up and moving again.”

He scratched his head, dust sifting through his finger. “Will, Ruby and I found a pair of crutches the other day. They’re really big, though, I’d probably have to fit them to her.”

“Good,” said Violet. “Let’s start with that.”

“Why’re you asking, though? Can’t just be for that.”

“It’s a bit of a big question, Will. A… project for you, I guess.”

His eyes lit up. “A project?”

“Yeah. Obviously we’ll start with the crutches, but what do you think the logistics are of building Clem a new leg?”

She watched the gears turn in his head, ideas slotting into each other, coming together to form something tangible. “Huh,” was all he said, but she knew she had him hooked.

“Just think about it,” she said, and turned to exit the room.

It was as she was walking back that she ended up passing by her own dorm room again. She couldn’t help but stop by, curiosity getting the best of her. The door’s hinges weren’t as worn down as some of the others, and she entered silently.

In her absence, a thin film of dust had begun to congeal over her bed and belongings, drifting through the air in the beams of sunlight that made it around the wooden reinforcers.

It was exactly as she’d left it, before they left for the boat. The bed unmade, belongings loosely scattered, her collection of kitchen knives still splayed out on her desk.

She’d used to share this room, a long time ago. A girl named Carol. Carol had been one of the lucky ones, whose parents had come back for her when everything went to shit. The only knick knacks in the room belonged to Violet.

She wandered over to her desk, picking up one of the knives. A longer blade, still thick, but with grooves in the side of the blade and a gentle curve at the end. It wasn’t her meat cleaver, but it was better than nothing. She tucked it into her vest.

It was strange, being back. It felt like ages since she’d last set foot in here, having been by Clementine's side since they got back. It had always been the closest thing she’d had to a home, despite how little connection she felt to it.

Now, it was almost like there was no connection at all. Her home was elsewhere.

The door closed behind her.

 

* * *

 

Ruby had the idea that morning that they— they being everyone except for Willy, who refused to leave his room— would venture down to the creek to get Clementine’s leg properly washed up. They had all been intensely tested by the events of the boat and were thoroughly filthy.

None of them had any real reason to argue with her, and so it was that at the ass crack of dawn in the crisp morning chill, they all grouped together at the front gates for the half-mile walk to the creek.

Clementine still didn’t have any accessible way to move around on her own yet, so Violet piggybacked her from the dorm out to the yard, where Ruby had prepared the stolen horse and cart. Aasim was talking with Ruby. Omar, Louis, and AJ were already sitting in the back, and waved as they arrived. Gingerly, Violet moved Clementine from her back into the cart, and Louis helped move her further to the back so she had something to lean against. After another minute or two, Aasim finally joined them, and there was a shuffle as Ruby clambered up onto the horse.

“Everyone good back there?” Ruby called.

“Yeah,” said Violet. “You sure you know how to drive this thing?”

“She has a name _,_ Violet. And yes, yes I do.”

Ruby made a sound, and the cart began to pull away from the school.

With the horse, it was about a five minute ride out. Most of the trip was spent in relative silence, none of them having much to say about anything. After the events of the past three and a half weeks, they’d probably need quite some time to fully recover. It didn’t help that the most talkative of them had had his tongue cut out by psychopaths.

Though, this didn’t seem to be stopping him. AJ was whispering to him animatedly about something or another, and he would make an obscure gesture with his hand that AJ would somehow understand. It wasn’t sign language, exactly, but if it worked for them, she thought, then it would do just fine.

“We’re here,” said Ruby from the front, and the cart was pulled to a stop. She and Aasim helped get everyone out, Clementine scooting herself to the edge of the cart and onto Violet’s waiting back. Ruby was standing in front of all of them, hands on her hips.

“Alright, kids. You know the drill. Boys, y’all go down the creek to the left. Clem, Violet, we’ll go right. Stay within earshot but not within sight— gotta maintain some sense of decency ‘round here. There are rags ‘n towels in the wagon. Stick to a strict HPF, people!”

“What’s a H-P-F?” AJ asked as he and the other boys began to walk downstream. Louis was holding his hand.

“Ruby’s system of cleaning,” Aasim explained, voice fading. “Hands, pits, face.”

When they were gone, Ruby turned to her and Clementine.

“I’ll be right along,” she said. “I’m just going to help McQueen here get some water.”

Violet’s nose scrunched. “I can’t believed you named it.”

“ _Her._ ”

“I can’t believed you named it after a car,” Clementine supplied from over her shoulder.

Ruby flushed. “Oh, hush!”

They were laughing as they walked away, Violet trekking down the bank a solid twenty meters or so, deciding on a small collection of large, dry rocks by the water as her destination. She helped Clementine settle down onto one of the rocks closest to the stream.

“I’m gonna start a fire really quick, and then we can start cleaning your leg,” she said. “It’ll be cold as fuck, just so you know.”

Clementine tossed her the flint rock, which she kept on her person at all times now ever since it had saved her life. “Great.”

The wood was dry and the grass kindling caught quickly, a small tent of broken twigs just so that they could keep warm and dry fast once clean.

“You get the gauze off?” Violet asked, returning to Clementine’s side.

“Yeah,” Clementine said, nodding. The pant leg had been rolled up above the knee, exposing the grisly wound for what it was.

Violet had cut low enough that some of Minnie’s wound had survived the amputation, running just up the side of the actual cut-off. It was messy, skin lumpy, dotted with different marks of cauterization and incisions from when Ruby had tidied it up. It wasn’t a neat job, angry and red and raw, still crusted with dry blood, but Clementine was still alive because of it.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s get started.”

She dipped one of the rags in the creek and brought it up to the wound. Her gaze flicked up to meet Clementine’s.

“Let me know if anything starts to hurt.”

“I will.”

More gently than she’d ever thought herself capable of, she began to thumb the rag over the browning blood, occasionally rinsing the rag back in the creek. She hadn’t really realized how filthy Clementine was until she began wiping layers of dirt off of skin. Her knee was marred with scrapes and old wounds. She’d probably been through a lot on the road.

“It’s clean,” Violet said, sitting back to admire her work. It looked much better when it wasn’t caked with shit.

Clementine bent her stump back and forth a few times. When she looked up, her face was slack with affection.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Violet said, leaning up to place a kiss at the corner of her mouth. Clementine caught her before she could pull too far away and kissed her in earnest. Violet hummed contentedly.

A voice from behind them sighed.

“I left y’all for two minutes.”

Violet pulled away to shoot a wolfish grin at Ruby. “Jealous?”

Ruby hit her with a towel. “Into the creek with you.”

Violet relented, tugging off her vest and pushing the sleeves of the hoodie beneath her t-shirt up the the elbow. The water was freezing as she first rinsed her hands, and then wiped the wet rag over her face. When the water touched the skin outside her ribcage, tucking the rag up through the bottom of her shirt, she flinched, but quickly swiped under her arms anyways.

Next to her, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Clementine dipping her hands in the water, scrubbing them as best she could. It seemed a little overkill, considering how clean they’d seemed when Violet last saw them, but she wouldn’t push.

“Why just the hands, face, and armpits?” Clementine asked.

“We have to keep it short in colder weather,” came the response from next to her. “In the summer, we can come down here and strip naked for the full clean, but if you did that now, you’d be sick as a dog.”

“It’s not that cold,” Clementine said. Something in her voice clued Violet that she was speaking from personal experience.

“For now. In winter, though? Your skin would be blue in seconds.”

Clementine only hummed.

Violet grabbed the last towel, larger and still dry. “I can help you get clean in a sec, Clem. I’m just gonna get my hair really quick.”

Ruby shot her a scandalized look. “Are you crazy?”

She shrugged, kneeling down on the damp bank. “We have a fire. I’ll be fine.”

She dipped her smaller rag into the water and raised it over her head, which was bent downwards. In slow, careful motions, she moved it through her hair, squeezing out whatever gunk and oil had made it in there recently. It was cold, of course, so she didn’t stay long— just enough to get most of the shit out. After she’d rinsed the rag, she tossed it back to Clementine, who caught it easily.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Ruby said.

Violet rolled her eyes and began to aggressively dry her hair with the towel settling down next to the fire. “It’s fine, Ruby. Besides, Clem is the one you should be—”

As Clementine tugged her hoodie up to squeeze the rag under, Violet caught sight of a small sliver of skin just above the hem of her cargo pants, indents of well-earned muscle with lines of scar tissue.

Her jaw snapped shut so fast she felt teeth crack.

“I pretty sure I’m worrying about exactly who I ought to be worrying about,” Ruby said. Violet flipped her off.

“I think I’m done,” Clementine said, effectively cutting both of them off. “Can you help me over to the fire?”

Ruby was closer, and helped her hobble over to sit next to Violet. The young medic then pulled out a fresh roll of gauze from her pocket, and began to redress Clementine’s stump.

Clementine, however, was staring at Violet.

“What?” she asked, feeling a little self-conscious. Instead of responding, her girlfriend merely reached out to touch her hair, which was mostly dry and downy soft.

“It’s… very fluffy,” she said, running her fingers through it. “Why didn’t you tell me your hair could be this soft?”

Violet batted her hands away, flushing brightly.

“All done,” Ruby said, saving her from having to offer a response to that. “How does it feel? Too tight?”

Clementine shook her head. “It’s great, Ruby. Thank you.”

“Hey,” a voice called over the sound of the slow trickle of the creek. It sounded an awful lot like AJ. “Are you guys done?”

“Yeah,” Violet called back. After a few moments, AJ and Louis pushed through the underbrush. AJ immediately ran to Clementine’s side, half-tackling her in a hug.

“Where’s Omar and Aasim?”

“They were being slow,” AJ explained. “So, we decided to come see you!”

Louis gave a small wave. Violet smiled at him, patted the gravel next to her. He sat down. Without the blood coating his chin, he looked much more alive. He must have felt more alive, too, because he was able knock their shoulders together, just like old times.

“We were able to get Clem’s leg cleaned up,” Ruby said, finally sitting down with them. “The stitches are holdin’. It ain’t pretty, but that don’t matter much if she’s alive.”

AJ nodded vigorously, looking up at Clementine with a large grin on his face.

“At least you’ll never become a walker now,” he said. Violet and Clementine shared an apprehensive look.

“Listen, AJ,” said Clementine diplomatically. “No one can ever really make promises like that. Sometimes—”

“No, no,” AJ said, shaking his head. “You can’t! You can’t become a walker now!”

“Well, what makes you say that?” Clementine asked, trying a different approach.

AJ pointed at her leg. “Because you can’t walk!”

Violet, Ruby, and Louis stared. Clementine looked flabbergasted.

“Well, Clem,” Violet said, chasing off the sudden and overwhelming urge to laugh, “he makes a good point.”

Ruby’s voice was strangled by laughter when she spoke. “Unless you planned on hopping around everywhere.”

Louis grinned. Clementine snorted, burying her face in her hands.

“You’re all assholes, all of you.”

Violet laughed. Baby steps.

 

* * *

 

The wooden crutches had needed to be sawed down a few inches, having been built for someone considerably taller than Clementine, but a little bit of sanding from Aasim and some “minor modifications” from Willy, and they were an almost matching set of functional crutches.

Clementine practiced them usually when other people weren’t around, arguing that if she was to be able to function on her own again, she needed to start doing it. Everyone had backed off after that. Started giving her a bit of space to adjust to her new life in her own time.

Now was one of those times. Life was quiet at the moment— Louis, Aasim, and Ruby had left for a scavenging trip not long ago. Omar was resting. Willy had recruited AJ to the mission of creating a new leg for Clementine, and the boys could disappear for hours on end working on it. She hadn’t seen it yet, but knowing Willy and what he’d learned from Mitch, it would be a sight to behold once finished.

At the moment, she was manning the house, checking over the interior of the school. They hadn’t had much time to assess the damage the raiders had done since the attack, between caring for the injured and recuperating as a whole.

The upper floor had some nasty burns, but it was mostly the principal’s office that’d taken the brunt of it, which was more than okay in her book. The first floor had a leak in one of the pipes that she was currently trying to find the source of, trailing the droplets of water.

It was boring grunt work, but it was also necessary grunt work.

Violet rounded the corner just as someone tumbled to the ground. The clatter of wooden crutches told her all that she needed to know, even as she rushed to assess the situation.

One of the uneven pieces in the floor seemed to have caught on something, sending Clementine sprawling backwards. Or maybe she’d just become unbalanced? It was a little hard to tell. Nonetheless, Violet hurried forward, holding a hand out to help her up.

“Hey, you okay?”

Clementine waved her off.

“No, no, it’s fine, I’ve got it, I—”

She pushed herself up on her hands, dragged her right foot beneath herself and—

forgot.

Her stump pressed into the floorboards with the force of someone who fully expected the rest of the leg to be there. She yelped and recoiled; Violet watched the realization crash over her like a wave. Her eyes went glassy with tears, expression crumpling with fear and sorrow both. Her breath hitched.

This was strikingly familiar. Alarm shot through Violet like a bullet.

“Clem—”

Clementine was shaking her head, her body curling into a tight ball.

“Vi, I— I can’t— I can’t _do_ anything—”

Violet fell to her knees in front of her, drawing her into her arms. She had her hands buried in her hair, gripping tightly, threatening to pull it out. Violet held her as hard as she dared.

“That’s not true. We both know that. You’ve done so much.” She pressed a little closer, murmuring into Clementine’s ear. “Clem, you need to breathe.”

“Vi—”

“You have to breathe or else you’re going to pass out. C’mon, with me.”

Violet gently pried her girlfriend’s fingers from her hair, placing them on her collarbone, and began to breathe deep and slow. It took a few tries for Clementine to match with her, but after a time, she could feel the other girl beginning to relax, posture unfurling. When calloused fingertips began to trace along the bone, Violet knew she had her back.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Clementine croaked, scrubbing away the last of her tears.

Violet shrugged. “Brody. After what happened to Soph and Minnie, sometimes the attacks would get so bad that she’d be paralyzed for hours. And I— I may have been mad at her, but I learned how to help. Just in case.”

Clementine pulled back a bit, looking wrecked, though that familiar steel had returned to her eyes. “You’re a good person, Violet.”

Violet bit her tongue, swallowed, nodded; a good person didn’t let their friends get taken by raiders, but she wasn’t about to say that, not when Clementine’s words were said so sincerely. Not when it was almost enough to convince her that her dad _hadn’t_ screamed about how awful of a child she was when he found her with a dead woman in a rocking chair.

“I’m trying,” she said instead, hoping the deflection would be enough. “How are you holding up?”

“Feeling better now,” Clementine said. “It’s just— I forget that it isn’t there, sometimes. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

“It’ll take time.”

“I know. I just wish it wouldn’t have to.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, don’t worry so much about not being able to do anything anymore. You’re still the most capable person I know.” Violet reached out to touch her shoulder. “You’ve done enough.”

Clementine had this look like she was about to start crying again. When she inhaled, it shuddered, and her exhale was just shy of a sob.

“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

They’d agreed earlier that morning that they needed to discuss a plan for the future as the acting leaders of their ragtag group. Their trouble with the Delta might be over, but they had a winter to plan for, new food supplies that needed marking.

So, when they’d both finished dinner, Violet helped Clementine to her feet and handed her the crutches.

“No rest for the wicked,” she joked, walking next to her over to the temporary table of operations.

“Evidently not,” Clementine said.

Violet leaned forward to peer over the map before pointing at a cluster of trees at the bottom left corner of the map. “Yeah, that’s the spot. Aasim said he spotted a group of ten, fifteen of them out past the old safe zone.”

“I want you to go. We need to see who they are; maybe even see if they’re willing to trade.” Clementine touched her arm in a gesture of concern. “Just… keep your distance until you can make the call.”

Violet knew it was killing her to have to stay behind like this, after so many years of being so self-reliant. Her main job now was to hold down the fort, begin organizing the long, painful process of rebuilding. Again.

“Who’s Violet going to see?” A voice piped up from nearby. It was AJ, his curiosity having led him to join them. She and Clementine shared a look. Did they want to tell him?

“A group of survivors, out past the old safe zone,” Clementine said. “Some kind of caravan.”

He scowled. “Are they bad people?”

“We don’t know yet.”

Violet opened her mouth to speak, and then froze. It was still so hard to reconcile this AJ, the sweet, protective boy with whom she’d had many a grand time tormenting Aasim, with the boy on the bridge that had shot her friend, her _brother,_ to save her life. He’d killed Tenn. But he’d done it for her. It was a catch twenty-two.

Yet, deep down in her heart she knew what she needed to do. Tenn had been such a sweet, forgiving kid. She knew this was what he would want.

“How about you back me up, and we’ll find that out together?” she said, circling around Clementine to crough in front of him. “Word on the street is that you’re a good running buddy.”

“Best,” Clementine supplied.

His expression was a little uneasy for a moment as they watched at each other. He was looking for something in her gaze, searching for a sign that this was some sort of counterfeit kindness that she was offering him.

It was time to heal. Long overdue.

“Sending Violet’s smart,” he said eventually, a small smile hinting at the corners of his lips. “She knows what she’s doing.”

She ruffled his hair. “Back ‘atcha, kid. That’s why I want you to come with.”

“It’d make me feel a lot better if you went,” Clementine said. That was the last nail in the coffin, because immediately, AJ went all business.

“We protect each other.”

Violet smiled and stood. “That’s right. Clem’s taught you well.”

The girl in question turned to her, brows knit with worry. “This is the part where you tell me you’ll be really, really careful,” she said.

Violet smiled, feeling warm and a little brave, and leaned forward to peck her on the cheek. “I will,” she said. Clementine’s expression was soft.

She then turned to AJ. “We’ll head out in a few hours, when the sun’s just set. Don’t be late, squirt.”

Omar called her name in the distance— it was her turn to help clean up dinner. She bid the two of them farewell and hurried away, knowing how irritable the chef could get if people didn’t step up to do their jobs. Tonight was hers and Louis’ night. They had a bucket of water for rinsing out the bowls, and a designated bush to toss the murky water when it was used. The process wasn’t foolproof, but this was the apocalypse, so you had to make do in some aspects.

When she’d flipped the last of the bowls over on the table to dry, she slumped onto one of the table’s benches, elbows on the surface, head tipped back towards the sky.

It had been a hard few weeks. Even before then, life hadn’t been great. Living in a trailer with parents that called her a mistake more often than they called her by name, growing up with the stench of alcohol stuck in her nose and gunshots ringing in her ears. Scraping through life in a world that didn’t want her, with adults that abandoned them— kids— when everything went sideways.

For so long, she’d been so lost. Unbound. Unhinged. Now, life was slowly starting to feel okay again. How long had it been since things had felt like that?

An elbow dug into her side. When she turned to snap at the offender, Louis raised his hands in surrender, and then passed her a folded note. She flipped it open.

_you’ve gone soft_

Violet glanced up at him, and then over at where Clementine had moved to sit with AJ on the steps of the Admin building, her face lit up with a brilliant smile. Violet couldn’t keep herself from smiling, too.

“Maybe,” she said. It didn’t sound so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so thats the end of this. thing. it felt really good to write a ton again. i’m sincerely tempted to write a part 3 to the series that would essentially be a season 5 to walking dead which is. a lot of writing to do during finals time but when have i ever made life easy for myself
> 
> the only issues i’m Having are a. How good of an idea is it to write this and b. For the mysterious caravan would i want to bring back Christa or the Garcias just lmk what yall think


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